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Scientists Confirm Giant Blob Under Nevada is not Michael Moore

By The Spotted Owl
PHOENIX (TSO) - Scientists at Arizona Sate University have confirmed the giant blob discovered under Nevada is not Michael Moore.

President Offers ASU Grads Post Office, Hot Asphalt Application Jobs

By The Spotted Owl
TEMPE, AZ (TSO) - President Barack Obama delivered the first commencement address of his presidency yesterday and promised 9,000 graduates rewarding, permanent jobs with the U.S. Postal Service and applying hot asphalt to the nation’s roads.

CIA Gently Reminds Pelosi it is Still the Freaking CIA

By The Spotted Owl
LANGLEY (TSO) - Unidentified members of America’s most prominent spy agency gently reminded Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), that they are still the freaking CIA, by releasing a report confirming that she knew the CIA was waterboarding terrorists.
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Coast Guard in Desperate Search for Presidential Accomplishments on Day 100  | read this item

Coast Guard in Desperate Search for Presidential Accomplishments on Day 100

By The Spotted Owl
CAPE MAY (TSO) - The U.S. Coast Guard is actively searching for any signs of accomplishments on Day 100 of President Obama's administration.

Local Lemonade Stand Files for Bankruptcy

By The Spotted Owl
PENSACOLA (TSO) - A local lemonade stand has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy reorganization after its owners, Kathy and Caroline Rogers, ages

America Honors Her Fallen

By The Spotted Owl
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America Honors Her Fallen  | read this item
AMERICA (TSO) - Today marks one of America’s most important holidays; the day set aside to honor and remember all who have

Olbermann to Celebrate Memorial Day by Apologizing to Germany, Japan for WWII

By The Spotted Owl
NEW YORK (TSO) - As millions of Americans honor the men and women who have died in the service of the United

Under Pressure, Pelosi Abstains From American Idol Vote

By The Spotted Owl
WASHINGTON (TSO) - Under increasing pressure following her inconsistent and incoherent explanations regarding her knowledge of the show’s enhanced audition techniques, House

White House Punks Manhattan in Hilarious 9/11 Parody

By The Spotted Owl
NEW YORK (TSO) - In what some are calling the funniest White House prank in a generation, the White House flew Air Force One over lower Manhattan yesterday and chased it with a fighter jet without letting a soul know about it beforehand.

Vice President Biden ‘Wicked Jealous’ Over Napolitano Gaffes

By The Spotted Owl
WASHINGTON (TSO) - Vice President Joe Biden is reportedly so jealous over Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano’s recent high profile gaffes that

Pandemic Feared as Piggy Bank Flu Spreads

By The Spotted Owl
ATLANTA (TSO) - The Center for Disease Control today issued an ominous warning that the piggy bank flu could soon become a pandemic, infecting and destroying every piggy bank in the nation.

Terrorist Finds Administration’s Definition of Torture Hilarious

By The Spotted Owl
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Terrorist Finds Administration’s Definition of Torture Hilarious  | read this item
ISLAMABAD (TSO) - As Taliban terrorists march towards the Pakistani capital, at least one is having a difficult time keeping a straight

AG Will Not Prosecute CIA Officers Who Used Harsh Techniques to Protect Lives After Terrorists Slaughtered 3,000 Americans on 9/11

By The Spotted Owl
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AG Will Not Prosecute CIA Officers Who Used Harsh Techniques to Protect Lives After Terrorists Slaughtered 3,000 Americans on 9/11  | read this item
WASHINGTON (TSO) - U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder announced yesterday that the Justice Department will not prosecute CIA officers who successfully protected

With No Choice, Schwarzenegger to Lift California With His Muscles

By The Spotted Owl
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With No Choice, Schwarzenegger to Lift California With His Muscles  | read this item
SACRAMENTO (TSO) - As Californians vote today on a host of ballot measures designed to lift the state from the brink of

VP Reveals Location of Secret VP Bunker; Obama Considering Shock Collar Training

By The Spotted Owl
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VP Reveals Location of Secret VP Bunker; Obama Considering Shock Collar Training  | read this item
WASHINGTON (TSO) - Vice President Joe Biden has revealed the location of the once-secret bunker for the vice president, prompting the President to consider using a shock collar on Biden in an attempt to prevent him from revealing other national security secrets at dinner parties.

President Accidentally Closes Car Dealerships Instead of Guantanamo

By The Spotted Owl
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Jaimie Trueblood/New Line Cinema  | read this item
GUANTANAMO (TSO) - The two-hundred plus terrorists held at this state of the art detention facility will have to stay a little longer after the Obama Administration accidentally closed hundreds of car dealerships across America instead of Guantanamo.

Fighter Plane From “Top Gun” Confirms Lesbian Rumors

By The Spotted Owl
HOLLYWOOD (TSO) - Tom Cruise's F-14 fighter plane in Paramount Pictures' 1986 blockbuster "Top Gun" has confirmed she is lesbian.
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